Gold Filled Beads
Rate my poem. Be as evil as possible about comments.?
Suduku by me
You are,
I believe,
an angel poorly portrayed.
I doubt the train has
enough for a halo,
perhaps it flies alongside.
Your wings,
tucked beneath the skin,
You persist.
A pen filled with liquid soul,
beads of pyrite, fool’s gold.
Glistens bright, Ink gold,
leaps for air, as you bounce
them one by one,
digit flow like humans on an assembly line.
Stop midway,
you ponder.
It’s like you’re weighing the sins of a dying man.
Every number, box, row, column.
Woodhaven Boulevard.
Pens are dropped,
Books away hastily.
Five more stops for me.
I find comfort in knowing,
somewhere else,
someone else,
in a further universe,
is dropping your spirit.
Fates judged, Sounds revolving,
…into a square inch world.
I think this poem can be good, but I find it hard to make it so. It’s one of my harder to do poems so some help would be nice.
It’s actually very interesting, I was expecting some teen angst but I see you manage some rich images. But just a piece of advice: do not separate the verse from the sentence when you make the transition to another verse: Example:
I doubt the train has
enough for a halo,
You do this many times throughout the poem and it’s very distracting and it breaks the rhythm. You have other long verses in the poem, why not this:
I doubt the train has enough for a halo,
Remember Milton and Blake: A verse, by itself has to be beautiful. A verse saying “I doubt the train has” is not beautiful, but rather unimportant.
How to make Beaded Hoop Earrings
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Intricate Beaded Beads Set $85.00 The beaded beads in this set were done by hand and each one is based on a common color scheme, yet they are not identical. The large nuggets in between are polished jasper. Swarovski pearls are added as well. This is truly a one-of-a-kind piece…. |
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